#41 - Goals

"A goal is just a dream with a deadline" - Harvey Mackay in "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive"

Most of us have heard of that so-extreme-it's hard-to-believe statistical study that was done in 1979 for students in the Harvard MBA program whom were polled to see if they had goals or not. 3% had clear written goals, 13% had goals that weren't in writing and a whopping 84% had no definable goals at all. When they followed-up with those people ten years later, the 13% who had goals, but not written them down, were earning twice as much as those 84% who didn't. The 3% who had written them down? They were earning 10 TIMES as much on average, as the other 97% percent combined! Amazing seems to be an understatement. And these were people going to Harvard Business School, the best of the best, hardly slouches in their field. http://www.lifemastering.com/en/harvard_school.html

No matter how scientific you view such statistics, it's hard to argue with the compelling results they underscore of those who keep and maintain written goals and then stick to achieving them.

All of us at one time fantasize, or day dream, of things we'd love to do, things we'd desire to own, trips we'd long to take, experiences we fantasize of engaging in, and careers we'd love to have. The key difference between the dreamer and the achiever is the dreamer is content enough to visit his desires in the realm of fantasy (the showroom of his/her mind), than return to reality where they don't have to go any further with it. The achiever, in contrast, writes down, in detail, exactly what they want, what steps they plan to take to get there, and proceeds to take massive, consistent action. The difference is easy to see. Sadly, more of us take more times planning a typical vacation than we do to write down goals that would benefit not only our lives, but those whom are impacted by us.

Whatever the mind can conceive and then believe, mixed with curiosity, persistence and faith, combined with a plan can, and will be, achieved. Will it be you? Or someone else? The choice, as it always has been, begins and ends with you!

#40 Fearing Disapproval

"Permitting yourself to be held back from progressing because you fear the disapproval of people you don't admire is madness" - Johnny Soporno When one rationally stops to think about why we care about other's opinions whom really, truly don't care about us, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. However, we all do it. Okay, I'm exaggerating: only 99.999% (approximately) do that:)!

Theoretically I would venture to guess that it comes hardwired into each of us biologically. In pre-historic times, when humans travelled in bands and lived in nomadic tribes, and the average person didn't venture more than a 100 miles from their birthplace in any direction (and that was being really far from home), their survival, to a huge extent, depended on the support of the village. To be an outcast back then meant certain death. If the proverbial powers-that-be or your neighbors didn't like you or were threatened by your "uniqueness", you were out on your ear, either killed outright, or sent out into the wild to fend for yourself, which was a vertiable death sentence, in-and-of-itself. Not real good options to choose from. So, to generalize, to conform meant to prosper and survive.

Well here in the 21st century in the United States of America where I live, the consequences of dissent have changed considerably. In fact, there's even profit to be made from it if you know how to leverage it. No matter what gender, color, creed, religion, socio-economic group, we all hunger for love and acceptance at a core, biological level, there's always a certain culture or lifestyle somewhere in just about every major city or online (now that the world is virtually connected) where you can have your basic needs of human interaction and companionship met without having fear of being isolated socially. To not be your true self, doing what you want to do because you fear judgment of those of little or no consequence is truly unnecessary and "madness". No one is going to appeal to all demographics anyway. If you even came close you'd have to be a wishy-washy shapeshifter. Simply stated, the most important choice a person can make is being true to their individual and/or collective purpose and letting the rest take care of itself.

#39 Fairness

Action figures or life lessons in disguise?

"Win-win or no deal" - Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Negotiation is a part of life that none of us can avoid. So thinking win-win applies to everybody at some point. Whether its coming to a simple agreement about how to spend a Sunday afternoon with your wife or child, wrangling over points in a business contract or coming to an acceptable price for a service or good, the worst deals are the ones where one-side gets all the spoils, while the other side is a one-legged man on the wrong end of an ass-kicking contest. The classic 'win-lose', in other words. The folly in this one is the one on the short end of things feels cheated and resents the person who got the better of them. Even if they do deal with the other person again, it will likely not be in good faith. Even the person who got the better of the deal wins the battle, will likely lose the war. Their short-term gain usually becomes long-term pain, as the person they got over on will likely not deal with them ever again and they garner a reputation as someone who will seek to rip you off, which tends to dry up subsequent opportunities. In contrast, the win-win is where both sides feel like there's a balance, and they both got something of value out of the bargain. While it's subjective for each party, the relative worth of that value, typically both parties feel like they gave up something worthwhile and relatively of equal worth.

As a simple illustration, when I was about 10 years old or so we used to have a swap meet in my school where we'd trade G.I. Joe action figures. For me, it was great as I would work the system to get more figures, which was a priority for me, while for many of my peers wanted the newest, hottest figures (which I considered to be nice but of secondary importance). When I'd get my Christmas or birthday gifts, I'd get new stuff (usually the only time I got new stuff) and trade it for several of the olders ones who were still good, just not the hottest ones. The classic quantity over subjective 'quality'. This was a great example of win-win as I got what I wanted (more guys) and they other kid got what he wanted (the coolest, newest guys). However, there was one kid I hated to deal with. To him the art of the deal was him screwing you over so he could brag about it later to everyone else. We'll call him B.J. B.J. was one of those kids who just wouldn't leave you alone until you finally made a deal with him to leave you alone. The ol' "use obnoxiousness as a weapon" tactic. One day I had something he really wanted and he kept badgering me to make a trade. He kept on-and-on until finally I gave in because I just wanted to be left alone at that point. He offered me something that was a pretty lousy deal and I agreed to it. After the trade was consummated you'd have thought he went from four feet tall to 15. He went around the gym and hallways bragging to anyone who'd listen to him, how he got over on Hall. Ad nauseum. It was one thing to knowingly take advantage of someone (me), but it was another to rub my face in it. Suffice it to say I immediately regretted ever dealing with this brat. And never did again. B.J. with his constant nagging may have worn me down once but he never would again. As I recall he had a tough time finding any other trading partners the rest of the year and he was basically persona non grata amongst us G.I. Joe enthusiasts after that. A classic example of win-lose transactions backfiring.

The way I conducted business was the essence of a win-win scenario. Both parties getting what's important of value in return in an equitable manner. Even to this day I wonder if B.J. ever got the memo.

#38 Outside Projecting the Inside

(Bottom) Me in 2006

(Top)Me in 2009

"You always project on the

outside what you feel on the inside" - Dennis Waitley

When I was 250 pounds in December 2006, it was a clear indication that I had significant inner turmoil going on inside me. I was in a terrible rut in my life, and due to me feeling dull, uninspired and stuck on the inside, I used binge eating and an addiction to Playstation College Football as a coping mechanism to dull the sharp edges of the emotional pain I was feeling (or what some would term "eating my feelings"). It was a vicious cycle that continually reinforced itself.

Obesity and serial escapism are not the only way for inner turnoil to manifest itself. Ever notice how the vast majority of drug addicts and alcoholics don't look like supermodels at the peak of their addiction (unless they are supermodels). When someone feels unconfident, unloved, nervous, stuck, etc., we project it in a variety of ways. A friend of mine used to call it "leakage". It's in your posture, the way you project your voice, and how you carry yourself, i.e. body language. We all have different, unique coping mechanisms to escape the pain. For me it was food. For you it may be overwork. For millions it's drugs and/or alcohol. Someway, somehow the negative emotion exacts it's toll and it reflects outwardly.

Of course the other end of the spectrum also projects as well. When you feel good, it radiates and your spirit seems as if it's on a higher plane of consciousness. I've had the pleasure of experiencing those types of peak experiences and can testify to their healing and restorative powers. You smile more, you talk and walk with a bit more confidence and authority, and take more pride in your appearance. When you feel like a winner you act like a winner. Success tends to breed more success.

So, what do you project to the outside world? Notice that when you feel energetic how much more open and outgoing you are vs. when you feel tired and worn down, how you tend to be more touchy and closed off. And remember, to a large extent, you have final say in how you feel and what mindset you bring (called "choosing your attitude") and ultimately project accordingly. While I have my "off" days, more often than not, I choose to bring a positive and winning attitude. Now I just have to remind myself to read this post when I'm not "feeling" it:).

#37 - Facing Fear

"What would you do if you weren't afraid" Spencer Johnson from the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" Admittedly, there are times when fear is warranted and can serve you, like when your life is in mortal danger. However, the type of fear I'm talking about is the kind that stops you cold from getting what you really want. The kind that paralyzes you from taking action on what you need to grow and develop. The variety of fear that holds you back and restricts and keeps you from experiencing life to it's fullest.

Usually people are most fearful of the unknown. No matter if they are living in their own personal version of hell or close enough they can see it from where they live. Some of us would rather stick with that because, hey, at least they know what that feels like and they've become accustomed to it on a level they can stand. Maybe they feel like they have too many obligations to family, career, etc. and they don't want to chance it or they simply feel trying to better their lot in life is "unrealistic". Even if it's a straight jacket to their potential, they reason at least it's a straight jacket that's familiar and comfortable.

Growing up, that's kind of how my Dad was. He once literally said to me "if you never get your hopes up about anything, at least you can't be dissapointed about what you get". Say what?! What the heck does that mean? And he was serious! No wonder he wasn't a motivational speaker.

There's a vast difference between good, healthy risk-taking based on confidence in yourself and your abilities and being naive and reckless. Setting a goal, or trying something new outside of your comfort zone, is all a part of growth and learning about life and your capabilities. And stretching them gradually, facing the fear maturely, realizing that each failure brings valuable experience you couldn't acquire by not attempting something outside your current skill set. This experience allows you to re-adjust your approach and eventually grasp your success as you use the lessons you've gathered. So ask yourself: what would I do, be, attempt, if I wasn't afraid?

#36 - Grace

"No one has the right to do wrong, even when wrong has been done to him" - Viktor E. Frankl

It may be human nature to want to strike back and get revenge when you or someone you love has been wronged. Nobody wants to be perceived as being "weak" by others. Growing up in the city of Detroit in an urban environment I was exposed to people being wronged or disrespected (dissed) on a daily basis. Kids were always testing each others manhood. As if we were in a jumgle, much of seemed to be a natural weeding out process, a veritable "survival of the fittest". Survival is one thing. That's our animal instinct talking. What is better is moving beyond that simplistic mode of thinking. We are past the point in our evolution where we don't have to hunt game to maintain our survival, or band together in gang-like fashion and wage petty and pointless "turf" wars. Conflict to establish physical dominance is an outmoded way of life.

Mr. Frankl, who wrote the above quote, was held at a Nazi concentration camp. Who would've had more reason for moral outrage than the Jews against the Nazis? Millions of them were imprisoned unfairly, tortured, beaten, broken and exterminated out of a government and country's fear, misplaced aggression and sheer ignorance. It was senseless and one of the most shameful blights and mass genocides in human history. In his seminal work "Man's Search for Meaning", he says that even though the Nazi's committed these atrocities, it would solve nothing to strike back against them and continue the cycle of destruction and hate. Their righteous suffering didn't give them the right or special privilege for equal retribution. Excess bitterness would continue the chain of victimhood that needed to be broken and not continue unabated. If you continue the cycle and escalate matters because you feel justified by the wrongs done to you, then destruction and more hate are sure to follow. No one ever gets "even". Once you forgive and accept, you can break the chain and move on to a higher level of living. This being the rarest of states: a state of grace. You will have succeeded where the mongers of hate and misery have failed, and subsequently wallow in their limited and spiteful existence far worse off, never knowing the peace and love you've opened your heart to. The universe has a way of punishing those who appear to thrive using evil means. It requires a special kind of person to have that kind of faith and let the Lord do his work.

#35 - Trust

Trust is one of the hardest things to acquire, yet one of the easiest things to lose. This is one of the great paradoxes of life. No one can say for sure why you can spend a lifetime with someone doing the vast majority of things well, making deposits in someone's emotional bank account (I borrowed this concept from Stephen Covey), and with a bad decision or two, destroy a relationship or, at the least, taint it considerably, with most people. There are very tolerant people, and, unfortunately, folks who are human doormats who have a high tolerance for irresponsible behavior, I realize. For most of us that isn't the case and fewer words are more hurtful or damaging than hearing "I can't trust you" from a loved one.

Depending on the seriousness of the transgression: lying, cheating, and stealing (you know, the biggies), etc., and depending on whether the person you committed this sin against is the forgiving type and willing to take into the account the totality of your charcacter and other actions you've done over the life of your relationship, you may not pay that serious a penalty (relatively speaking) as if you did it to a hard-line, intolerant type. Still, the relationship, and the nature of it, has been strained and depending on the aforementioned factors, will take a lot longer to restore to it's prior state, especially in relation to whatever it was that was done. In extreme cases, the situation is irreparable and trust is never regained. Once that lense of trust and confidence is altered there's a road you have to travel down to re-adjust it back. Nobody likes to be viewed with eyes of suspicion, even if it is well-earned.

That's why before we do something we know could have consequences of violating trust we weigh the potential benefits vs. penalties, particularly loss of trust, before we do something risky. Often momentary lapses of judgment have unintended, dire consequences because we failed to reason out the potential results of our actions when we indulged in a passing fancy, gave in to an impulse of a fleeting moment, or basically put our needs before the needs of another in a hurtful way. Many of us never learn this discipline and fail to take others into consideration in those moments of unfortunate decision. Perhaps this seeming inequity has it's roots all the way back to the biblical story of Adam and Eve, when God's trust was irrevocably violated by Eve's mistake of eating from the one tree she was explicitly told not to. Seduced and tricked by the serpent herself, she subsequently entangled her husband Adam in the same mess, violating his trust. From that moment on they became ashamed of their nakedness and humankind has never been the same again. Way to go Eve! Good lookin' out.

While most choices or violations of trust aren't that clear-cut and dramatic, we all know, in our guts, the fundamental difference between right-and-wrong and what our loved ones and friends consider a violation of trust or their standards. It's up to each of us to decide whether the juice is worth the squeeze.

#34 - Success Conciousness

"Success leaves clues" - Anthony Robbins There are very few things under the sun that haven't either been done, thought of, expressed or written about, ad nauseum, especially in this era of the internet where a guy like me in his room in Nashville, TN can have a worldwide audience (if they only knew where to find me:) ). But I digress. For the most part, it's all been done before in a some way, shape or form. How this applies to success is you don't have to re-invent the wheel, necessarily, to be successful. If someone else did it, so can you for the most part. Of course there are exceptions, (for example it's unlikely any of us reading this could ever break a world speed record, no matter how much effort we put into it, if we're not gifted with some predisposition to do so).

The first step is defining for yourself what success means to you. Otherwise you're aiming at a target you can't identify or see. I can't think of too much more frustrating than that, yet that's what most of us do on a daily basis. Now, remember, it's your definition of success, not someone else's. Failing that, everything you do will have a hollow, unfulfilling feel to it. It won't be personal or meaningful for very long.

Once you've established that criteria, the best thing to do is to find someone in the arena you want to be successful in and model them, specifically their actions and mindset. Be open and willing to learn, adapt their approach and the spirit of what they're doing and success, if you commit to it and pursue it with daily renewed vigor and effort, is only a matter of time.

#33 Self-determination

"It's not where you start, it's where you finish". No one can control the circumstances of where they were born, who their parents are, how they are raised, etc. Early on in life, much of who we are is formed and shaped. Many of our beliefs, attitudes, fears, biases, etc. Still, at some point, we are responsible for who we are as human beings, independent of our lineup of influences.

I grew up in Detroit, MI and would've been considered lower middle-class. Think the family in "Malcolm In the Middle", and you're not far off. My parents were hard-working folks, but weren't overly educated themselves (my Mom has since gone on to get her college degree). Many of my friends from that old neighborhood became products of their environment and ended up involved in petty crime, drugs, and all other manners of failure in life, including death. While my parents did the best they could and sent my siblings and I to private, Catholic schools, it would'nt have been much of a stretch to get dragged into the wasted lives of some of my childhood friends got mixed up in. My parents did a good job of helping me not fall into that type of lifestyle.

When I was a teenager and impressionable I was a caddy at a local country club and had an opportunity to see how the "other half" lived on a daily basis. While some were indeed snobs (as is often the stereotype), many of the guys I caddied for were kind enough to share with me some philosophies and impart lessons and wisdom that have served me well, such as the nugget this post is based on. The first time I heard it was when a golfer hit a pitiful drive that barely left the tee box somewhere near the ladies tee, and was able to recover by hitting two perfect shots following that, making a putt and, thus, save his par on the hole. No pun intended, but upon further reflection, it's apt in the regard that no matter where you start in life, once you are a full-fledged adult, it's up to you, through your actions and intentions, to determine the trajectory and the course of where your life leads you and where you ultimately end up. We can make all the excuses and rationalizations we want, but America is chock-full of Horatio Alger stories of people rising from obscurity to prominence. Sadly, it's also riddled with self-destructive cautionary tales of people born into all manners of advantage and privilege who let it all slip away for no good reason. The choice is in all of our hands whether to stand up and be counted and make a difference, or to shirk the duty and resign one to a life of medicrity, or, in extreme cases, outright failure.

#32 Calculated Risks

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. While it often makes sense to mitigate risk, be it financial, emotional, etc., far too many of us take it too far and are varying degrees of reluctant to leave our comfort zones and expose ourselves to failure of some sort.

Most dying people, however, regret the things they did NOT do much more than the things they DID do (or at least that the way it seems). Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but if you never or rarely do anything that requires some degree of risk there are countless, untold opportunities you will miss out on in terms of personal relationships, job and advancement opportunities, money-making ventures, and most of all, a sense of adventure and fulfillment in the course of a worthwhile and exciting life. Far too often we let our fears dictate what we can and cannot do. Try, and you might fail. But try, with an honest, sincere effort and you may succeed beyond your wildest dreams! Even if you temporarily fail, there will be valuable insights and lessons to take away that you otherwise would've never been exposed to. Many people have used their "failures" to guide them to eventual, wild success.

This is not a license to be careless or reckless, mind you. Certain things simply don't need to be attempted to know a tragic result would follow ( such as leaping headlong off a tall building without a chute). Use your intuition, judgment and research to prepare and aid you in deciding the best way to proceed or decide whether the proverbial juice is worth the squeeze. There is no shame in failing, only failing to plan.

#31 - Developing Skills

"Give a new skill time to grow and develop without harsh judgment and experience with wonder" -Timothy Gallwey from "The Inner Game of Tennis"

All of us have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves when learning a new skill. Not just tennis, but with any new skill, we are trying to learn and develop. Gallwey explains it simply by saying we have two distinct selves. Self 1, which tends to be a critical task-master, and Self 2, which is the non-judgmental, experimental side, which executes our physical movements and attempts to figure things out through trial-and-error non-judmentally. What happens is Self 2 will go about its business, intuitively performing, figuring out what to do, not to do, how much, where to position yourself, so-on and so forth. Once your 2nd self starts to figure out the parameters of what works and what doesn't, it automatically finds a groove and establishes guidelines and ideals of performance. Not to be ignored, that's where Self 1, in an ill-conceived plot for perfection, butts in and begins to judge, admonish, cajole, motivate and attempts to instill what it perceives to be "necessary" discipline. In an effort to gain "consistency" and "maximize" performance, Self 2 highjacks the spontaneity of Self 1 and begins to judge the efforts of Self 2 as either "good" or "bad", "satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory". Though Self 1 is attempting to help, this is where the conflict arises.

The problem is that the free-flow of whatever you're doing pretty much ends, as Self 1's harsh, perfectionistic judgments hinder Self 2 with expectations and pressure. This begins to show itself in performance and becomes a self-fullfilling prophesy (no pun intended) and a vicious cycle. We assign ourselves too much credit when Self 1's instructions work out, and too much inner blame when they inevitably don't at times. This breeds another unwanted side-effect too, I've found. When you do what you're supposed to, it's a relief or a quick feeling of meeting an expectation. When you don't, it brings anger, frustration and disparaging self-judgment. Long-gone is the original joy of playing a game for it's on sake. Fun and relaxation are far removed from the equation by the time Self 1 exacts it's heavy toll. Leaving the victim (us) to wonder: what was the point of all this again?

Instead of over-analyzing and assigning a value judgment when we are trying to learn or get the hang of something, it's far more sensical to continue to experiment and give ourselves the freedom to make the requisite mistakes to maximize the effectiveness of our performance. You're not a bad person if you put a little too much overspin on the ball (that's analogy is for you tennis guys-and-gals). Don't treat yourself like it. This gives us a chance to be natural and spontaneous again, and if you're lucky, bring a true genius forward that would've never surfaced under Self 1's well meaning strictness. It also seem like it would be more fun as well.

#30 Forgiving Mistakes

"To err is human, to forgive is devine" There isn't one of us walking around sucking up air who hasn't made a mistake. As for those of us willing to admit it, well that's another story :).

Personally, I'd rather someone make a mistake of effort as opposed to one of neglect or laziness. Most of us would find that kind of transgression far more forgivable. Also, when you do goof, the most mature thing to do is own up to it, as opposed to covering it up, or outright denying it. This does two things: it makes it possible to make amends or corrective action to address it and also enables the situation to transition to resolution and, hopefully, on to forgiveness. It also takes away the power of blame. It always amazes me when I come forward and admit my error, and offer a sincere apology, that it takes away all of the righteous anger of the person wronged and softens them. I've even seen the other person go from an 8 or 9 on the irritability/anger scale to almost copping some of the blame themselves for my mistake and having it bond us closer than before!

Conversely, when someone makes a mistake that directly impacts you, however much you are in the right and difficult it might be, do try to treat them as fairly as possible and forgive them. If they refuse to admit, take their blame or acknowledge their role, still try your best to let it go. This is more for your benefit than theirs ultimately. Certainly don't give them a chance to wrong you again, there's no dignity in being a floor mat or a sucker. Realize that harboring ill-will and anger is never beneficial on your end. The toxicity of that rubs off on you whether you're in the right or not. Have faith that those who refuse to apologize or acknowledge their role in doing wrong, will reap what they sow and let nature run it's course.

#29 - Accepting Blame

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible" - Stanislaw Lec

When a problem arises the best course of action is to accept your fair share of the blame and do your best to solve it before it grows any worse. You'd rather kill a monster while it's small, as opposed to a huge, snarling beast that you can only hope to contain.

One of the reasons World War II even happened is because the European nations chose to ignore the agression of Germany and Adolf Hitler early on, when they boldly violated the Versailles Treaty and went into the Rhineland and on to Poland. Millions of lives could've been potentially spared had France, Britain and other countries in the pact interceded and stood up to Hitler before he grew out of control (even the United States too, to a certain extent).

While this is an extreme example, look at your own life. How many times have you let something slide, or not dealt with an issue because you hoped it would go away, work itself out, or you simply weren't ready or willing to deal with the situation for whatever reason? I think at some point we all have, and when we are forced to deal with it, oftentimes it's too late or infinitely more difficult to deal with than if we had been proactive, dealt with the unpleasantness of the moment initially and simply nipped it in the bud. Hopefully we learn the lesson and continue on in the future to deal with problems in a timely fashion before they reach an intolerable breaking point.

#28 - Friendship

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you" - Elbert Hubard

All of us have our unique personality quirks, habits, likes, pet peeves, prejudices, beliefs, personality styles, etc. It's a wonder sometimes we don't all get sick and tired of each other at some point. I digress, but, still, what fun would life be if we continually were lone wolves all the time, marching to the beat of our own drummer, never having someone close to confide in or share in the daily joys, miseries and endless, various experiences of life with? It'd be pretty hollow and empty is what it would be.

Family is one thing. For the most part, they're all stuck with you (and you with them). Now your friends, for the most part, we all chose them. Your true friends, as the quote says, know many, or most, of your ins-and-outs, what make you tick, and still make the emotional commitment to be there for you and the end of the day, and vice versa. My friend Michelle (pictured with me) and I could go on for days about the minutaie of our long-running relationship. For all of each others faults we're there for each other when the going gets rough and can find the magic in our relationship when sometimes you'd rather see the cracks. We like to take fun digs at each other, but woe to the person who does it to us when the other one is around. Someone like that is difficult to find and even tougher to let go so it always pays to hold on to something that precious.

#27 - Sincere compliments (President's Day Edition)

"Man will stand a great deal when they are flattered" - Abraham Lincoln. Working in sales (like I do) you pretty much find that you can have the best, highest quality, most sensibly priced product for the value, but for most people, this is, ultimately, of little consequence. The best way to make a sale is to someway, somehow find some commonality, so as to build rapport and start the beginnings of trust. Once you've done that with a prospect it's almost always a good idea you find some way to genuinely (ideally) compliment them on something. Their taste, their obvious wisdom to buy what you're selling, their shirt, anything as long as you mean it. From that point, it's only the most disciplined, or hardened person who won't respond positively to you and what you have to offer by way of product or service. They may or may not buy, but at least they'll listen and consider what you have to say, which is farther than you ever would've gotten if you had just plowed ahead with the features and what-not of what you're offering.

Go ahead and try to be closed off and hostile to someone who admires and genuinely seems interested in you. For 99.9% of us, our favorite person and subject is ourselves, so when we have a chance to meaningfully talk to someone who seems as interested in or admires us as much as we do ourselves, we are compelled, almost by an invisible hand, to soften our stance and be more pliable to what someone has to offer us. It's as if our egos override any common sense or intellectual reasoning whatsoever. It's virtually the same idea as when you were a kid and you waited until mom and dad were in a good mood before asking them for something. The odds of them going along with it were much better.

The next time you have to deal with a difficult person, remember this principle, and "kill em' with kindness". Find something good about them and milk it for all it's worth. Due to the law of reciprocity it's nearly impossible to return human caring and kindness with invective and difficulty. It's not so much much phoniness, so much as verbal akido. See if that "tough cookie" doesn't get a little softer.

#26 Love (Special Valentine's Day Edition)

"There is no remedy for love, but to love more" - Henry David Thoreau *. In honor of Valentine's Day, I figured we could write a piece about love. There is no grander feeling in the world than that of being truly in love with another person. The flip side of that is there is no greater heartache than the loss of it. Be in the end of a close relationship, intimate or otherwise, a death of a loved one, or some other way of losing someone you care about, once you've experienced that type of acute and unforgettable pain, a natural reaction of many people is to close their hearts down, sometimes permanently the hurt is so excruciating for some, and build an emotional wall or form a shell, to protect themselves from never being hurt in the same way again. This usually causes them to become numb and often leads to bitterness at worst, or a feeling of hollowness from the void at best. Hardly compelling options.

The best remedy is to dare to love again. The ol' "The best way to get over the last one is to move on to the next one". Resilience in love, like resilence in most areas of life, usually pays off. Like anything worthwhile there is an element of risk. However it's a risk worth taking. With love, it's like balm for a wound that has no other ointment. Not only that, the next person you get into a relationship with will have the benefit of the experience you bring (as long as it's not unresolved baggage). The good news is we all crave and ache for love and approval. Sow for the harvest. Plant enough seeds of love for others and before long you'll walk in a garden of love and affection. It sure beats, the lonely, isolated alternative. Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

*Todays quote was taken from the great site: http://www.greatest-inspirational-quotes.com/

I'd heartily recommend visiting it and thank Jax from the www.stevepavlina.com forums for allowing me to use his site :)

#25 Confidence vs. Arrogance

Arrogance is a strange disease. It tends to make everyone sick except for the one who is afflicted by it.

Nobody likes a pompous ass. Conversely, there's always room at the table for a class act. Confidence is a great virtue, whereas arrogance is an inescapable character flaw. Yet, the difference, seemingly on the surface, doesn't seem that far apart. The actuality is they are as close as New York and Los Angeles.

The main difference is in humility. The person with self-confidence is sure and secure enough in themselves to realize they're human, don't have it all figured out and can be prone to mistakes. They can be counted on to humbly accept such things gracefully as criticism, questioning, receiving advice and handling setbacks. Because they are confident and self-assured, they use such opportunities to grow and better themselves, seeing them as learning experiences. Contrast that mode of thinking to that of the arrogant person, who due to a deep, inner insecurity or ill-founded sense of superiority and/or entitlement, acts as if they are beyond reproach and are incapable of making a mistake, needing advice from others and shrink from setbacks, either rationalizing them or casting blame onto others. They treat the same circumstances a confident person handles with aplomb, as insults.

When dealing with a confident person, their strong, healthy egos are based on a loving disposition, of themselves and the world around them. Their place in their worlds feels secure and they think in terms of abundance: 'we' instead of 'me'. They have a tendency to make the people they interact with confident in their own abilities and make them feel better for having known them, enriched somehow through osmosis. They are inclusive and seek to inspire the best of others.

Sadly, the arrogant person has a shallow artifice of a strong ego that is in fact a front for the inner contempt they feel for themselves that they routinely project onto others. Their defects are based on fear of being seen as vulnerable and overcompensate by being critical in nature. They take other people's success as an indirect diminishment of them and a lessening of attention and adulation for them. For them, life is a zero-sum game. For someone to win, they have to lose, and vice-versa. Everything is a cutthroat competition and they'll exercise any means at their disposal not to lose. They come from a place of lack, and seek to drain the resources of those around them, through manipulation and an off-putting, haughty manner. Typically, others prefer to deal with them as little as possible as they tend to adversely infect those unfortunate to know them with their condescending sense of ill-founded superiority and lack of give-and-take. For them it's as much take as they can muster, and any giving comes with strings attached, as favors to be exploited on some future date. Though they may masquerade as "beautiful" on the outside, their odiousness emanates so thoroughly that no amount of aesthetic falseness can hide their true ugliness for long.

While confidence is earned and respected, arrogance is a sad, pitiful act that is only skin-deep. Though it may be hard to tell at first glance, it's only a matter of time before the real gold differentiates itself from the fools gold. Don't be the watch that turns everybody's wrist green. :)

#24 Money

The root of all evil is not money itself. The root of all evil is the unabashed desire for money and using means necessary to accrue it. Why do you think so many of us are outraged and cynical when it comes to corporate America and its CEO’s when they take these huge bonuses while their companies crumble and rot from the inside out, are given huge bailouts by the government (hardly saints themselves), while are huge layoffs of workers of said companies? Too many of our leaders, entrusted with huge corporations and elected public officials, have succumbed to greed and bald ambition, at the expense of sharing with humanity and those who helped them obtain their position in the first place. The irony is that money is a very fluid instrument that obeys certain laws, such as: the more you spread it around and share it (for commensurate compensation of course, an honest days work for an honest days wage) the more it grows and creates. It's when it stops and sits that commerce halts, and the pendulum swings the other way.

I think anybody reasonable sees the need for profits for a company to keep it a thriving, growing entity. Nobody should want to deny anyone their just desserts. However, there’s no reason that CEO’s and corporate officers should be releasing 100 million dollar ‘Golden Parachutes’, while using the cheapest labor in faraway lands, and then have the gall to scream poverty. That kind of imbalance and brazen hypocrisy is morally outrageous and unacceptable. Which leads us the original point. It’s the greed that allows billions to be destitute, hungry, diseased and homeless in our world, and allows evil to flourish in the hearts of men, seemingly at all costs. Until we figure out a way to make things more equitable within the boundaries of capitalism, the situation will only continue to get more dire and worsen, thus killing the Golden Goose of our economic system.

#23 Pleasure

Bob & Jillian have helped tons (no pun intended) of folks through the gates of hell to the heaven of fitness.

"Through the gates of misery & hell lead the road to untold pleasure"-Unknown. If you stopped and realized how many of us stop short of a goal or following through because it was hard, just a few feet, or even inches short, it could potentially depress you for days. When the going got tough, we got the hell out of there! If we had just stuck with it a little longer, a few more seconds, minutes, hours, days or weeks (you get my point) and we would've crossed that great threshhold from the temporary pain and inconvenience of the moment and gotten the pleasure of what we really wanted that couldn've transformed our entire lives. I'm as guilty as anybody. Years and years went by where I had thousands of opportunities to approach women out and about and because I was terrified of the prospect of rejection. I "played it safe", and stayed in my comfort zone, refusing to risk it. There were times it was obvious someone liked me and I still put my hands in my pockets, looked down sheepishly and refused to act on it. Finally, I decided to face my fear head on and get that area of my life handled. I talked to guys who were good at interacting with women, building attraction and just relaxing and having fun with attractive members of the opposite sex without having angst. I also bought some programs that helped guys like me (the 'Double Your Dating' series w. David D'Angelo series was most helpful) get comfortable and build my inner confidence. This helped me not just in dating, but in my life overall. When I moved to Nashville, TN I used the stuff I had been learning, crashed and burned a few times, but realized that I was growing and making great strides. I kept going. After dating several people I eventually met my future wife. I went through the hell of being forlorn in love, petrified to approach somebody, and have now found the person for me.

Exercise is another great analogy for this principle. When I'd let myself go physically, I'd reach that point where the pain of living life as a zombie-like (no energy) fat slob was greater than the pain and discomfort it would take to get my body getting back in shape. So I began the long journey back to being fit, and, as expected, my body resisted, hard (I even came close to vomitting a few times). Still, I kept going (notice a theme?), and before too long I actually started seeing results of my day-by-day consistent efforts and felt a sense of accomplishment and a rush of pleasure you can't buy or get any other way than by doing it and earning it. Also, eventually the workouts got easier and I actually began to look forward to it. It was fun and a great way for me to start my day and burn stress. At this point in my life, it's one of my favorite things to do and look forward to and is an absolute 'must' in my daily routine. It literally helps fortify me for the rest of my day.

Why do you think the show "The Biggest Loser" is such a big hit? You can literally see, week-by-week, the contestants transforming themselves and experiencing the profound joy of mastering an area of their lives that was a bane to to their existence. They are literally lifting huge weights off their shoulders. It's inspirational, like all people who experience remarkable growth in an area they had resigned themselves to. They had each gone through their own personal hells and entered a version of their heavens. What is your personal hell that could lead to heaven (untold pleasure)?

#22 - Pain

Pain is sometimes a misnomer. While most folks will go to great lengths to avoid pain, or even circumvent the possibility of it, it's got a bad rap, that is somewhat undeserved.

Pain can be your biggest ally or your worst enemy. Pain will tell you when something is wrong and needs to be addressed. Pain instructs. It lets us know through our emotions that we care. It allows us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and do the right things. If there were no pain to signal we've done something wrong, such as feeling guilt and anxiousness, we could do untold harm to ourselves and others.

Pain also affords us the chance to display and gain maturity by dealing with it effectively. Pain scares off the insincere and lukewarm and offers those brave enough to overcome it the ultimate rewards of life. Many attempt to cope with the various guises of pain through overindulgence of substances and other destructive habits such as drugs, alcohol, violence and a myriad of other vices that temporarily numb or kill it. The paradox is the more you try to avoid, trick or numb it, the harder and meaner it pursues you. Like weeds in a garden, newer, more severe problems start cropping up everywhere. When you deal with it head on, you are given the gift of growth, self-esteem, self-sufficiency and an overall sense of well-being.

Pain also protects. It sends our body signals that something is amiss, and must be dealt with or we will be overcome by disease or incapacitated if we continue to push ourselves in a harmful way and and need to modify our approach or cease altogether. It also lets us know if something or someone isn't good for us, and that we should avoid it. Ignore pain at your own peril.

As crazy as it sounds, when you look at pain as your ally and friend, instead of a bogie-man to be dodged and feared, the more you can gain and expand in your life. Because another great paradox is often pain can lead to...(to be continued)

#21 - Music

"I love music. Sweet, sweet music" - The O'Jays. Music is the fuel of of emotions and memories. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a strong love affair with music. My father instilled it in me early. Listening to hours after endless hours of old records turned me on to become the music-head I've become today. Though I've never become a musician myself, untold hours have been spent listening, dissecting and exploring literally thousands of different artists, songs etc from all eras. While 99% of people won't take it to the level I have, music encompasses every concievable emotion and establishes the rhythm of life.

The next time you watch a film, notice how the music, sometimes subtlely, sometimes as obvious as the nose on your face, can completely manipulate a scene and drive home the points and push and pull your emotions the way the director wants you to go. It's one of the most powerful anchors in humanity too.

For instance, think of Bill Conti's "Gonna Fly Now (Theme from 'Rocky')". When you hear the first few notes you can't help but think of the movie "Rocky", Sylvester Stallone runing up the steps in Philly and training like his life depended on it. I defy you to not think of it when you hear that song! Now that's a powerful anchor!

Another reason music is so powerful and personal is people have certain songs, albums and artists anchored to them and their emotions as the soundtracks of their lives. An iconic image of Johnny Cash, the first few notes of "Stairway to Heaven", Prince on stage can all transport people to another place and time. Your first kiss, your brother and sister dancing in the living room, a particular album that nursed you through a tough time, walking on a beautiful spring evening listening to your Walkman. Your first concert. Powerful stuff. One of the many reasons music will never die and always endure.

#20 - Things Aren't Always As They Seem

Sam Bradford picking up his plunder in NYC 12/08 Rhett Bomar - Former OU savior QB

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens. Sometimes what we percieve to be setbacks turn into other opportunities that wouldn't have otherwise materialized. I'm a big sports fan and like most areas in life, there's always a litany of inspiration there to see if you look close enough. The above sentiment came to me when I saw the University of Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford win the Heisman Trophy this past December in New York City. Bradford was a life-long Sooner fan who grew up dreaming of the feats he's gone on to accomplish back when he was a youngster growing up in Oklahoma City. Still, he needed some breaks to go his way to be the Big-Man-On-Campus, as starting QB for the ol' Cream and White, you know, aside from all the hard work, determination and preparation. They do say good luck is when ability and preparation meet opportunity. Sam Bradford has both in spades.

When Bradford showed up on campus in the fall of 2006, Oklahoma was reeling in the wake of young stud sophomore QB Rhett Bomar being kicked off the team (as well as an offensive lineman) for accepting illegal compensation from an Oklahoma car deal (an OU booster of ill-repute) for summer work they never performed. While red-shirted as a freshman, Bradford, and fellow freshman Keith Nichol (from Lowell, MI) were never seriously considered to start (that job went to senior Paul Thompson). Still, that OU squad had uber-talented RB Adrian Peterson to fall back on, and managed to still win the Big 12 and go to a BCS Bowl game, despite starting a shaky 3-2 (featuring a controversial loss to the Oregon Ducks that most OU fans still shake their heads about). Bradford, not nearly as heralded as classmate Nichol, sat patiently, learned and waited for his chance to compete.

The following spring Bradford, to the surprise of most followers of the program, won the starting job as a red-shirt freshman. While he wasn't asked to do too much early, he played well, flashing the maturity and pocket presence of a far more seasoned player and improved steadily as the season progressed. He even helped OU win the Big 12 title again and back to another BCS Bowl game. By seasons end Coach Bob Stoops was allowing Bradford to make plays and showcase his immense skills.

Flash forward to this year. Nichol, seeing that barring an injury he be relegated to career back-up status if he stayed at Oklahoma, opted to transfer to Michigan State. With a talented case surrounding him, Bradford took his performance to the next level, breaking all kinds of Sooner scoring records on the way to winning the Heisman Trophy as a redshirt sophomore. Even more importantly, the team found itself in the BCS-title game, playing for the mythical National Championship against the Florida Gators. He's also going to return for the 2009 season to lead the Sooners, yet again, and he along with Tim Tebow will have a chance to join Ohio State's Archie Griffin as the only 2-time Heisman Trophy winners in the history of college football!

Definitely in this case, alls well that ends well. If Rhett Bomar never takes that summer job in 2006, or doesn't get caught, this story probably never happens, as Bradford probably wouldn't have had a chance to start until this season, if ever. While many took Bomar's dismissal from the team to be a negative at the time, it has turned out to be the ultimate blessing for all in Sooner Nation. Well, maybe for all but Rhett Bomar.

#19 - Hope

“Without hope, there truly is nothing”.
With hope, man can accomplish all things he sets out to do in time. Even at rock bottom you can always recover. A turnaround is always possible for someone who has breath in their lungs, and a reason for hope. For hope is the oxygen of dreams. With hope, there’s always a way out, something to look forward to. The suicidal person is that way because for whatever reason, they have decided to despair and give up the one thing that could save them: hope. They see no way out. Viktor Frankl, in his seminal work “Man’s Search for Meaning” said that those who managed to make it out of the Nazi concentration camps alive were the ones who held on to some sort of hope that, despite the horrors and inhumane conditions around them, they would get out alive and see their loved one’s again. That gave them the fortitude and will to brave the torture, and daily grind of oppressive hopelessness that surrounded them from all sides.

Most of us will never have to undergo that extreme type of situation (thankfully), but we are all faced with challenges and conditions that may appear dire. I found myself at age 31 drifting through a meaningless existence of being some 70 pounds overweight, little career prospects and low self-esteem and managed to find hope and a meaning beyond myself. My burning desire became to help myself first and then seek to help others who had similar challenges I had faced. I lost the weight, got a purpose, and have pursued it ever since, daily. Without hope, that downward spiral may have continued unabated to heaven knows what end. Hope is where a spark of a belief of a better tomorrow can become the flames of a bright and enriching future.

#18 Learn The Lesson

This guy is thinking about his lesson

Learn the lesson, then live. When people do let you down or betray your trust, it’s important to forgive them. However, just as importantly, learn the lesson and don’t leave yourself open to being taken advantage of by the same person or circumstances again. If there’s someone in your life who’s repeatedly proven to be untrustworthy or an emotional anchor (enervator), it would naturally behoove you to avoid them as best you can. It’s entirely possible to forgive someone for past transgressions, yet keep them at distance without taxing your emotions to the brink or build a wall around your heart. Many of us have relatives, friends and co-workers, for example, in our lives where it’s not practical to avoid them altogether. You can, when forced to deal with them, simply do so in a strait-forward, almost professional, manner without getting emotionally heated or wrapped up in their drama. Make the conscious choice to not get your emotions involved and the chances of getting hurt and not re-opening old wounds go down considerably. You can live life on your own emotional terms if you are of a mind to.

When you say you forgive someone, it’s best to leave it in the rearview mirror and not bring it up. As the saying goes: forgive, but don’t forget. The reason you don’t forget is if you don’t learn the lesson, history (your own history), is destined to repeat itself. Bringing it up continuously, however, is counterproductive as it continually binds you to the old, upsetting emotions. It’s a fine line, but your own sanity and growth depends on it.

#17 Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the key to living life with an open heart. It’s a natural, indisputable fact that people, which are fraught with faults, defense mechanisms & neurosis, are bound to hurt and let you down from time-to-time. Human beings, myself included, are too flawed not to. This can be as minor as neglecting to keep a promise, or as tragic as murder. It’s an inevitability, that at some point your feelings will be hurt by other people. You will be victimized. You’re not living a full life if you aren’t. On the other hand, there are ample and never-ending opportunities for people to surprise and impress you with their kindness and love as well!

If you allow anger and bitterness to take hold at those who have wronged you, it’s a dead-lock certainty that you’ll be victimized more than once. The first time will be when the offensive incident occurs, and from there you’ll be a repeated victim indefinitely, until you manage to let it go and move on. The reason why is you’ll have your guard up to new opportunities to learn, grow and love in the future as your shield won’t allow anything else to come in, out of fear of exposing yourself to disappointment again. In the long run, it’s you who will suffer most from the hardening of your heart. This leads us to Lesson #18…(come back Monday 1/26/09 for the follow-up)

#16 - Consistency & Persistency

Consistency & Persistency are the twin levers of accomplishment. Used in tandem they can overcome lack of money, talent, natural ability, favoritism & any manner of obstacle.

Wholesale changes can’t be done in a single day, week, or month, for 99.9% of us humans. The best way to effect long-lasting, effective, life-altering change is in day-by-day, incremental application of activities that help further your growth. Someone may be blessed with a particular skill or aptitude but still fall short of it being useful, or fulfilling their potential from lack of use or of taking their birthright for granted. The reverse is also true. Someone may be “smarter” than you scholastically, for example, but through consistent & persistent study & learning you can achieve better results (i.e. grades) in school than them if they goof off and don’t apply themselves to their studies. This principle is an evident truth across all spectrums of life & most successes in their given field’s are those who combined their inate abilities with their consistent & persistent actions. The roadside is littered with "talented" people who failed to cultivate and nurture their God-given abilities to their full bloom. Don't be that guy (or gal).

#15 - Decisiveness

Be slow and deliberate to make up your mind. Be even slower and more deliberate to change it. When it comes to making a decision on matters of import, a wise man never haphazardly or randomly makes up his mind how to proceed. He wisely considers his options in a given situation and projects, as best he can, what he can reasonably expect to be the results of his decision and his following actions. Once he has considered the options available to him and a decision and course of action are finalized, it's incumbent upon him to see it through to the best of his ability.

Seeing as we are all human and misjudgments can easily be made, and situations develop based on our actions differently than anticipated and other factors outside of our control, it's concievable, if not likely, circumstances will arise where we'll deem it a prudent idea to change our minds. Just be sure when you come to that conclusion, you've reasoned it out just as, if not more, thoroughly, than when you made the initial decision. It's easy to become frustrated, bored or disillusioned with the staying the course sometimes, but all moments pass. Spring always follows the winter. Be as sure as you can that you're deciding to switch course for the the greater good and overall gain, not as an impulse.

#14 - Building A Legacy

None of us is capable of living forever in the flesh, but it’s possible to leave a much longer-lasting impression in spirit. This is done by making a difference in people’s lives, primarily your children and loved ones, and passing down your life lessons, spirit of generosity, and ethics. This is called leaving a legacy.

This can be applied both positive or negatively. Gandhi would be a great example of a positive legacy, while most would agree Adolf Hitler would be a prime example of a tragic one. While few of us will leave that type of imprint on history, good or bad, they did, we all have that potential within us. This is particularly true within our sphere of influence.

Be mindful of the impact you have on that sphere and consciously choose your actions, attitudes and decisions with the Longview in mind. Don’t fall into the trap that what you do doesn’t matter and is happening in a vacuum. Fair or not, the things we do and the course we take impacts people in a variety of ways, both seen and unseen. The better decisions you make & actions you take, the more enjoyable and fulfilling your life will be today and in the decades when you have the benefit of perspective. To put in more common vernacular: Don’t screw over Future You and those who have a stake in you.

#13 - Purpose

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”-Dr. Dre
I’m sure Dr. Dre is not the first person to say that, just the first one that comes to mind for me:). When you are fulfilling your life’s purpose and directing your attention, energies and efforts toward that end, a feeling of calm and confidence flows naturally like a current. When you become distracted and fail to consistently do the things that enrich and fulfill you, it’s like a dam being stopped up. The current stops, the water stagnates and the life inside slowly dies and becomes putrid smelling, disgusting and gross.

To live life in this way requires a definite chief aim (I get this from Napolean Hill, a man with much wisdom) and a healthy dose of faith, courage and discipline, especially initially, when you are still feeling your way around. Eventually, when you make enough deposits of positive action and courage, it becomes engrained as a habit. It’s by knowing your purpose, coming up with a plan to pursue it (goals), building it and finally maintaining it, where real power and fulfillment for yourself and others originates from. Otherwise you leave yourself to the mercy of fate and whatever passing fancy comes along.

Give To Receive

#12 - If there’s something you really want, you are often required to give it first. Maybe it’s the universe of a higher power testing our worthiness, but, more often than not, we have to give before we are able to receive. The ironic thing is, that when you give with the intention of receiving, you are almost guaranteed to be met with, yet, more disappointment still. Paradoxically, if you give for the sheer peace of mind of it and to express gratitude because it’s the right thing to do, you get what you gave, plus interest. It’s all about intention. The more pure, or unconditional, the intention, the more you get back in return.

If you desire friends, be friendly. This will garner you many friends who will be as loyal as you are to them. It’s amazing how it worksJ.

If you desire love, give love unconditionally. See for yourself how it magically boomerangs back to you! It’s uncanny.

Oftentimes, usually out of greed or fear, we want to know our "return on investment" before we act. Human relationships aren't designed that way. They're designed in such a way that you reap what you sow. The only way to get the most out of them, and in life, is to live with a spirit of genorosity with your heart open. Zig Ziglar famously says "if you want something, help another person get it first". Sure there will be people who may attempt to take advantage of you, but trust that this boomerang effect will give them what they have coming. Besides, you can only control your actions and intentions.

It may not be always immediate (see Lesson #10, God’s delays are not God’s denials), but if you consistently act in ways that you would like to be reciprocated (The Golden Rule), it will assuredly be returned to you.

Choosing To Accept People's Criticism

#11 - Just because people try to give you crap doesn't mean you have to accept it.

No one knows why unhappy and miserable people try to take out their inner frustrations and problems out on innocent bystanders and those of us unfortunate enough to have to deal with them in those states. Maybe they're having a bad day, perhaps they're of the belief that life has dealt them a bad hand, or they were raised that way and like to bring others into their personal drama. The potential reasons are infinite.

Irregardless of why, it's up to each one of us whether or not to accept their, for lack of a better word, crap and let it affect us or not. To illustrate: Once there was a yogi who had a reputation for being unflappable. No matter what you said to him, he wouldn't respond negatively or retaliate in any way. So this guy from the city heard about the legend of this yogi who is as cool as a cucumber and the man considered it a personal challenge to provoke the yogi into defending himself or even perhaps lashing out verbally and/or physically at the man.

So this guy finds where the yogi is and not even getting his name, begins tearing into him, upbraiding and insulting him deeply in a variety of ways personally, and even into his his family. When that doesn't work, the man called into question the yogis manhood, his sexual orientation, and even let fly some racial slurs. Nothing was out-of-bounds. After about 20 or so minutes the man realizes that nothing will move the yogi, no matter what he says. Exasperated, the man finally throws up his hands in surrender to the yogi, "I don't get it! What kind of guy doesn't defend himself and let's a total stranger completely run roughshod over him, and even worse, his entire family?! Have you no honor?! Are you a total coward?! Do you even understand English?!"

The yogi, after several uncomfortable long seconds of silence, says to the man, "Stay here," and walks off. Confused, yet intrigued, the man says to himself, "I hope he's not getting a shotgun to blow my head off". A minute later the yogi reappears with what appears to be manure in his hand. "Take this," he says to the disgusted man and tries to hand him the rancid feces. "Are you crazy, old man?! No way I'm taking that!" "You will not accept my offering?", the yogi countered. "Why would I ever do that?", the man asked sarcastically, "are you some kind of sicko or something?" "Well, you came to me with diarrhea of the mouth, spewing your hateful, ill-informed filth and I've never had the displeasure of knowing you. Why would I accept that from you?" the yogi responded calmly.

With that the man finally showed the yogi some respect, bowed his head, apologized for his ill-founded hostility, thanked him for the lesson and gracefully leaves, wiser than when he came. The moral, of course, is if a crazy, old guy offers to shake your hand with crap on it, get out of dodge before he does something really crazy!

Faith & Patience

#10 God’s delays are not God’s denials. So often people want what they want, when they want it. No ands, ifs or buts about it, if results, particularly favorable ones, are not immediately forthcoming after the expenditure of effort, too many of us will throw up our hands in frustration, ready to scrap the whole thing. While there is a fine art to being able to tell the difference between the law of diminishing returns, where you may be kicking a dead horse, and persistence, it’s important to not be too quick to give up and move on at the first hint of trouble or resistance. Many circumstances in life are out of the realm of control and subject to timing. Many years ago my good friend really liked a young woman whom he felt he had a kinship and great chemistry with. However, she never seemed to be available for him to date, as she always was in another romantic relationship. My friend Jim, despite the heartache of seeing Liz go through bad boyfriend after bad boyfriend, was steadfast in his friendship. Eventually, after seven long years, the day came when she was free and Jim finally got his chance to court her as more than a friend. I’m proud to report they got married in 2003 and are happily married today, the picture of wedded bliss!

This age old principle is applicable to a multitude of situations. If you are consistent, persistent and concern yourself with things you can control (your effort and attitude), then the natural laws of the universe (you reap what you sow) will ultimately reward you.

Passion

#9 Passion without a plan is so much wasted energy. While it may feel good or like a release in the moment of passion, or inspiration, if it has no structured outlet or purpose to be directed at, it’s similar to a hit of caffeine or buzz from drugs or alcohol. A good feeling for as long as it lasts, sure, but unsustainable and ultimately pointless and even potentially dangerous if you get addicted to the feeling for it’s own sake.

Although I’ve never been addicted to any illicit drugs, however, I did used to read motivational books to get an emotional buzz and not take action on any of the excellent ideas and mental scenarios I’d fantasize about, that would, for a brief period of time anyway, get me out of the psychological rut I happened to be in. Temporarily. For me it was an momentary escape from the reality of my life gradually sliding downhill. Ultimately though, I’d gradually come back to my same old reality, unchanged and worse off because I’d attribute the negative feelings of coming down to the “false hope” I’d gotten from the book or tape. Consequently, I’d use this as fuel for self-pity and rationalization for my overall sense of lack. Once I got clear on what I wanted out of life and came up with concrete, structured ways to direct my energies and passion, I started to experience real change & genuine self-confidence that sustained and nurtured my passion while continually renewing it. Passion finally became my ally when fortified by a concrete plan of action to direct it towards and helps buoy me past those days when I come upon inevitable setbacks and moments of doubt and fear.

Update: For regular readers of this blog I've decided to update it regularly every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If there's a holiday or a computer is unavailable to me for some reason I'll publish it early or late.