#31 - Developing Skills

"Give a new skill time to grow and develop without harsh judgment and experience with wonder" -Timothy Gallwey from "The Inner Game of Tennis"

All of us have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves when learning a new skill. Not just tennis, but with any new skill, we are trying to learn and develop. Gallwey explains it simply by saying we have two distinct selves. Self 1, which tends to be a critical task-master, and Self 2, which is the non-judgmental, experimental side, which executes our physical movements and attempts to figure things out through trial-and-error non-judmentally. What happens is Self 2 will go about its business, intuitively performing, figuring out what to do, not to do, how much, where to position yourself, so-on and so forth. Once your 2nd self starts to figure out the parameters of what works and what doesn't, it automatically finds a groove and establishes guidelines and ideals of performance. Not to be ignored, that's where Self 1, in an ill-conceived plot for perfection, butts in and begins to judge, admonish, cajole, motivate and attempts to instill what it perceives to be "necessary" discipline. In an effort to gain "consistency" and "maximize" performance, Self 2 highjacks the spontaneity of Self 1 and begins to judge the efforts of Self 2 as either "good" or "bad", "satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory". Though Self 1 is attempting to help, this is where the conflict arises.

The problem is that the free-flow of whatever you're doing pretty much ends, as Self 1's harsh, perfectionistic judgments hinder Self 2 with expectations and pressure. This begins to show itself in performance and becomes a self-fullfilling prophesy (no pun intended) and a vicious cycle. We assign ourselves too much credit when Self 1's instructions work out, and too much inner blame when they inevitably don't at times. This breeds another unwanted side-effect too, I've found. When you do what you're supposed to, it's a relief or a quick feeling of meeting an expectation. When you don't, it brings anger, frustration and disparaging self-judgment. Long-gone is the original joy of playing a game for it's on sake. Fun and relaxation are far removed from the equation by the time Self 1 exacts it's heavy toll. Leaving the victim (us) to wonder: what was the point of all this again?

Instead of over-analyzing and assigning a value judgment when we are trying to learn or get the hang of something, it's far more sensical to continue to experiment and give ourselves the freedom to make the requisite mistakes to maximize the effectiveness of our performance. You're not a bad person if you put a little too much overspin on the ball (that's analogy is for you tennis guys-and-gals). Don't treat yourself like it. This gives us a chance to be natural and spontaneous again, and if you're lucky, bring a true genius forward that would've never surfaced under Self 1's well meaning strictness. It also seem like it would be more fun as well.