The Power of Purpose

#7 - To have a purpose, a definite chief aim in life, is where so many mysteries and uncertainties of life get rectified.

When you crystallize what you want and stand for, the priorities of your life, and the choices you make, become infinitely streamlined and simplified.

When you have a purpose, your every action is infused with the inherent knowledge that you are moving closer towards your goals. I’m not talking about recreation, that’s an entirely different matter. We all need a way to decompress that may seem mindless, but in fact gives us a respite and recharges our psychological batteries.

If your work plays no role, or doesn’t offer room to express yourself and your purpose within it, it’s not only likely you will come to dislike or resent your job (or tolerate it at best), it’s a logical conclusion. Even if you numb yourself to it’s psychologically devastating and sapping effects, you will on some level, have a nagging lack of fulfillment and longing for an opportunity at another career path. This is your intuition and subconscious urging you to disengage and pursue something in line with your own personal truth, whatever that may be. Left unheeded it typically manifests itself in sour disposition, drug or alcohol dependency, and various forms of abuse that bleeds into your personal life (psychological, physical, emotional). For me, it used to manifest itself in overeating and feeling sorry for myself.

Stubborn refusal has only more dire consequences. We all have a gift and a calling. It’s up to each of us to discover and then heed it.

Learning: The Never Ending Lessons of Life

#6 Learn to embrace every day and use it to explore, learn, share & discover.

Not a single day that goes by should be wasted or taken for granted. Whoever said that “time is money” was off-base. You can make more money, but no matter what you do, I defy you to manufacture more time. Once it’s gone, that’s it. If they ever find a way to get us more time in a day, then someone will be due an obscene fortune.

If you stop to consider that you could live a hundred lifetimes and only begin to scratch the surface of what’s possible to learn, accomplish and experience, it make little sense to fritter away precious time being bored, unfocused or lazy. Killing time is akin to committing suicide to opportunities that you by-passed.

Inspiration is everywhere if you are open to it. Someone once asked me why I seemed to always be on a mission. My response was there was always so much to do and experience I didn’t want to miss the show. “The show” being the “show” of life. It’s all around you. It won’t always be readily apparent, but when you look outside the limited lense of life most of us see through, the buffet of possibilities is staggering. By having an open mind and an insatiable curiousity, it’s possible to get option stress from the limitless number of directions you can possibly go! That’s why tomorrow’s lesson is so crucial…

Criticism

#5 Try your best to not judge others too harshly. Criticism directed at another has a tendency to be like boomerang, coming right back at you.

Think about this, we are all human beings. Every one of us is a complex, mysterious confluence of heredity, outside influence, varying backgrounds, personal prejudices, superstitions and moods. In other words: we are all complicated and full of flaws of varying degrees. Even the best of us. Because of this there is endless opportunity to come into conflicts, become annoyed with one another, and generally make value judgments based on what we think we know about someone by our exposure to them (however limited). Believe me, I’m no better. I’m constantly reminding myself to be more considerate and accepting of others. My attitude, in my best moments, is that everyone is better than me at something and is capable of teaching me something. If I’m close-minded about that there’s a lifetime of learning I’m closing myself off from.

The hardest time to not be critical of others is when others are critical of you. The natural (for most people anyway) is to be defensive and be critical right back, putting up a wall to reinforce our self-concept. Stop and consider this: as a person with freewill, couldn’t you just as easily choose not to be upset & react in a positive fashion? I like to make a game out of it. When someone criticizes me I try to “kill em’ with kindness”. More often than not it short-circuits their programming and most don’t know how to react. Nothing disarms like humor and genuine humility. This won’t work every time, but man does it beat getting into a pissing match. Believe me, it’s hard to get mad at someone who’s smiling at you and refuses to accept your bile. At the very least you come out the better person and, like in judo, you’ve taken they negative energy they gave you and re-directed it.

#4 True Success Is Personal

Living up to the expectations of others is like chasing your shadow. It may seem possible, but is ultimately futile and impossible, as it's something outside of your control.

So many of us spend our lives feeling unfulfilled and empty (i.e. hollow), because at some point we've lost touch with our desires and design for our own lives and have somehow compromised the best parts of ourselves. While compromise is a part of life for the sake of harmony in interpersonal relationships, it shouldn't come in to play when it comes to the direction of what makes you happy and what you want to offer to the world in terms of a career and what you value in life. We all at times have been subject to other people's view of what we should be doing, driving, wearing and doing with ourselves. It's way too common to get caught up in "keeping up with the Jones'". The truth is, no one has to live your life but you. Not your parents, significant others, neighbors or peers. You. If you hate being a lawyer and long to be an auto mechanic, who are you really hurting by sublimating your essence (you must be able to seperate passing fancy with your true essence though)? Who's the one getting hurt here, really? You.

Now this post isn't intended to be an endorsement to shirk responsibility of your roles in life. The spirit of this is you should be true to your authentic self and pursue a vision for yourself that is both personal and fulfilling on a level where you can contribute meaninfully and be the best version of yourself.

If it's simply not practical from a career standpoint (for instance I don't think it would be practical to spontaneously quit my job to become a writer without some kind of transition), it's possible to find an outlet for something that holds meaning and a measure of true satisfaction for you, at least as a hobby. Who's to say that maybe as you find your voice and stride that it may not blossom to become more than a that in the future? To be stuck in a lifestyle or job you hate for a prolonged period of time with no outlet is potentially toxic to your spirit in the long-term. As the old saying goes: A house divided against itself is destined to fall.

# 3 Priorities

Truth vs. Fiction - Priorities
Make a list of your priorities. Once you've done that, take an honest look at how you spend your free time. Keep a log for a week of how you spend it. Once you analyze it, your "true" priorities have a strange way of materializing themselves into action. When I did it I was amazed at how TV, which wasn't even on my list, had figured prominently into my life despite my not even acknowledging it.

It's not much of a stretch to suggest that many of us (myself included) tend to idealize how we spend our time and distort in our favor (most of us anyway). If you want to align yourself most effectively with your goals and priorities we must do an honest self-assessment and routinely compare our ideals vs. our actual output. Obviously, if you're being truthful with yourself, it's a very revealing, an potentially life-altering exercise.

As a for instance: if I were to say my #1 priority is my family, however I spend most of my discretionary time in seclusion or away from home doing my own thing, doesn't that not make me seem like a hypocrite? Or, if you were to suggest that saving is a big priority, but didn't bother to set any money aside for that express purpose, wouldn't that suggest folly between plan and execution? There would definitely be some dissonance there.

While it can be extremely tough to admit were aren't where we want to be (or anywhere close), the best way is to get on the right track is to compare our actions to our intentions. Then take action to correct it. Once you know where the discrepancy lies, you can direct your actions accordingly to bring them back into balance.

#2 - Habits

The most effective way to change your life for the better is to trade your bad habits for good ones, one-by-one.

If the weeds of your mind were like (picture, left) this it wouldn't be so bad to let em' grow

Nobody in his right mind cultivates bad habits consciously. Not unlike weeds in a garden, they just creep up out of nowhere, and if not pulled, or left unaddressed, have a way of growing wild, out-of-control, and essentially taking over. One day you just realize that you're doing something, or a multitude of somethings, that is robbing you of your vitality and serving you in a negative way. Strangely, it's much "easier" and more common to "happen" on bad habits than good ones. Good habits take forethought and nurturing generally. Good self discipline is rewarded by the universe and no self-discipline, is, thus punished. That's why it's important to conciously choose your habits. If you let them choose you, it's inevitable you'll find yourself on autopilot and subject to your urges and less-than-ideal nature.

However, a good can be made to be as automatic as a bad habit and you can use that natural automation to your advantage. In fact, it's amazing how when good habits gradually replace bad ones, your life takes on a subtle momentum and your old, non-supportive behaviors are crowded out by healthier, more self-fulfilling ones. Just remember, good habits must be pursued, the bad ones just appear, like the weeds. Pull the weeds and add the fertilizer of knowledge, self-improvement and growth towards your goals.

Upon Further Reflection - The Boldness to Think Positively in a Negative World

Wow, yet another blog. Just what the world needs:)! I'm no prophet, no guru and I'm certainly not qualified to tell anybody how to live their lives. Having said all that, I'm someone who's done alot of thinking and reflecting about myself, trying to find my own personal truth. I'm a firm believer that everybody has their own personal truth, or what's true for them. Still, some truths are universal and in this blog I hope that even if you don't agree with what I have to say, it may at least cause you to think and reflect yourself.

I've personally read hundreds of books in my life dealing with success, motivation, inspiration and of people seeking & finding betterment. One common thread is woven among them. That of a bold optimism, backed up by goals, plans and persistence. They all underscore the importance of a positive mental outlook. Throughout much, or the majority, of my life, I've held or reverted to a cynical, or outright negative outlook. Factors include that life has a natural negative pull, my childhood (my father was doubtlessly a devout pessimist by nature, reared by other devout pessimists), and much of the company I kept over the years. Throw in an unhealthy dose of not wanting to be held accountable and being ostracized and criticized harshly by others (i.e. caring too much what other thought).

So many times I'd have spurts of positivity where things would take on a good momentum, only to return through circumstances, to a low ebb, leaving me hardened and wondering where it all went wrong.

Years and years went by with varying degrees of success, followed by the inevitable return to where I had started it seemed. The basic, essential lesson I failed to grasp (or outright lost sight of), was that a positive outlook, by and large, was a concious choice. While it's true you can't control alot of the bad things that happen to you (deaths of those close to you, the economy, natural disasters, etc.), you always have a choice about how you respond and react to them. Some of the best stories known to mankind are of those who've risen above the lousy hands they were dealt and used the experience and subsequent lesson to raise to even loftier heights.

Late one night when my fiance Walton was sick, tossing and turning (thus keeping me in a state of twilight between sleep and being awake), it occured to me that to get me in the consistent habit of positive ways of thinking, I'd get in the daily habit of taking a concept, from any source, be it a book, my own bit of insight (that I've obviously pulled out of my subconcious from someone else), or a direct quote, I'd write a brief reflection on whatever it was. Call it active learning. They say the best way to have something sink in is to try and teach it to others. And the teacher is usually the one who needs the lesson the most (definitely factual more days than not).

While the writing is personal, like I said earlier, it's universal enough to share. It's an exercise that is meant to bear fruit for me, and I hope holds some benefits for you as well.

As my man Tony (Anthony) Robbins once said: never leave the scene of a goal without first taking action. Here's the first "Reflect"

#1 Exercise Your Mind

The brain is like any other muscle. The more you exercise it, the more powerful it becomes.
Instead of bulging biceps or exceptional cardiovascular conditioning, the telltale signs of an "in shape" mind are far less visible with the naked eye, but far more potent. So many of us are superficially impressed with those of us who have six pack abs, or run marathons. While this is laudable and requires a certain amount of training, dedication and discipline most of us will never approach, it never ceases to amaze that many, if not most of us, neglect to take that kind of care of our most valuable of assets: our brains. It's been scientifically proven that those who continue to exercise and challenge their minds into older age maintain their mental sharpness and faculties much longer than their contemporaries who don't. They even fend off the effects of senility and Alzheimer's disease far longer than those who don't challenge themselves or stay sharp by reading books, attempting to learn new skills or something as fun as crossword puzzles.

If that's not enough of an endorsement also consider that just like when you maintain shape of your physical body, when you maintain your brain (hey, I'm a poet and didn't know it), life in general is just much easier and more enjoyable. Just like normal everyday activities like yardwork are easier when you have a regular exercise regimen, figuring out simple mental tasks is far easier when you take care of your mind in the same fashion.

So read books that stretch you, do some crosswords, watch some Jeopardy or Discovery Channel, then feel free to reap the benefits of your ever-growing knowledge base.