#39 Fairness

Action figures or life lessons in disguise?

"Win-win or no deal" - Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Negotiation is a part of life that none of us can avoid. So thinking win-win applies to everybody at some point. Whether its coming to a simple agreement about how to spend a Sunday afternoon with your wife or child, wrangling over points in a business contract or coming to an acceptable price for a service or good, the worst deals are the ones where one-side gets all the spoils, while the other side is a one-legged man on the wrong end of an ass-kicking contest. The classic 'win-lose', in other words. The folly in this one is the one on the short end of things feels cheated and resents the person who got the better of them. Even if they do deal with the other person again, it will likely not be in good faith. Even the person who got the better of the deal wins the battle, will likely lose the war. Their short-term gain usually becomes long-term pain, as the person they got over on will likely not deal with them ever again and they garner a reputation as someone who will seek to rip you off, which tends to dry up subsequent opportunities. In contrast, the win-win is where both sides feel like there's a balance, and they both got something of value out of the bargain. While it's subjective for each party, the relative worth of that value, typically both parties feel like they gave up something worthwhile and relatively of equal worth.

As a simple illustration, when I was about 10 years old or so we used to have a swap meet in my school where we'd trade G.I. Joe action figures. For me, it was great as I would work the system to get more figures, which was a priority for me, while for many of my peers wanted the newest, hottest figures (which I considered to be nice but of secondary importance). When I'd get my Christmas or birthday gifts, I'd get new stuff (usually the only time I got new stuff) and trade it for several of the olders ones who were still good, just not the hottest ones. The classic quantity over subjective 'quality'. This was a great example of win-win as I got what I wanted (more guys) and they other kid got what he wanted (the coolest, newest guys). However, there was one kid I hated to deal with. To him the art of the deal was him screwing you over so he could brag about it later to everyone else. We'll call him B.J. B.J. was one of those kids who just wouldn't leave you alone until you finally made a deal with him to leave you alone. The ol' "use obnoxiousness as a weapon" tactic. One day I had something he really wanted and he kept badgering me to make a trade. He kept on-and-on until finally I gave in because I just wanted to be left alone at that point. He offered me something that was a pretty lousy deal and I agreed to it. After the trade was consummated you'd have thought he went from four feet tall to 15. He went around the gym and hallways bragging to anyone who'd listen to him, how he got over on Hall. Ad nauseum. It was one thing to knowingly take advantage of someone (me), but it was another to rub my face in it. Suffice it to say I immediately regretted ever dealing with this brat. And never did again. B.J. with his constant nagging may have worn me down once but he never would again. As I recall he had a tough time finding any other trading partners the rest of the year and he was basically persona non grata amongst us G.I. Joe enthusiasts after that. A classic example of win-lose transactions backfiring.

The way I conducted business was the essence of a win-win scenario. Both parties getting what's important of value in return in an equitable manner. Even to this day I wonder if B.J. ever got the memo.