#25 Confidence vs. Arrogance

Arrogance is a strange disease. It tends to make everyone sick except for the one who is afflicted by it.

Nobody likes a pompous ass. Conversely, there's always room at the table for a class act. Confidence is a great virtue, whereas arrogance is an inescapable character flaw. Yet, the difference, seemingly on the surface, doesn't seem that far apart. The actuality is they are as close as New York and Los Angeles.

The main difference is in humility. The person with self-confidence is sure and secure enough in themselves to realize they're human, don't have it all figured out and can be prone to mistakes. They can be counted on to humbly accept such things gracefully as criticism, questioning, receiving advice and handling setbacks. Because they are confident and self-assured, they use such opportunities to grow and better themselves, seeing them as learning experiences. Contrast that mode of thinking to that of the arrogant person, who due to a deep, inner insecurity or ill-founded sense of superiority and/or entitlement, acts as if they are beyond reproach and are incapable of making a mistake, needing advice from others and shrink from setbacks, either rationalizing them or casting blame onto others. They treat the same circumstances a confident person handles with aplomb, as insults.

When dealing with a confident person, their strong, healthy egos are based on a loving disposition, of themselves and the world around them. Their place in their worlds feels secure and they think in terms of abundance: 'we' instead of 'me'. They have a tendency to make the people they interact with confident in their own abilities and make them feel better for having known them, enriched somehow through osmosis. They are inclusive and seek to inspire the best of others.

Sadly, the arrogant person has a shallow artifice of a strong ego that is in fact a front for the inner contempt they feel for themselves that they routinely project onto others. Their defects are based on fear of being seen as vulnerable and overcompensate by being critical in nature. They take other people's success as an indirect diminishment of them and a lessening of attention and adulation for them. For them, life is a zero-sum game. For someone to win, they have to lose, and vice-versa. Everything is a cutthroat competition and they'll exercise any means at their disposal not to lose. They come from a place of lack, and seek to drain the resources of those around them, through manipulation and an off-putting, haughty manner. Typically, others prefer to deal with them as little as possible as they tend to adversely infect those unfortunate to know them with their condescending sense of ill-founded superiority and lack of give-and-take. For them it's as much take as they can muster, and any giving comes with strings attached, as favors to be exploited on some future date. Though they may masquerade as "beautiful" on the outside, their odiousness emanates so thoroughly that no amount of aesthetic falseness can hide their true ugliness for long.

While confidence is earned and respected, arrogance is a sad, pitiful act that is only skin-deep. Though it may be hard to tell at first glance, it's only a matter of time before the real gold differentiates itself from the fools gold. Don't be the watch that turns everybody's wrist green. :)